Texas 70.3: my report card

I’m having a hard time coming up with anything truly interesting to say about this race. Let’s face it: race reports are boring. So instead, since it was report card season for the kids right before I left, I’ll grade the experience.  Imagine this read in the voice of your grade 9 math teacher.

Pre-race

While Christine generally exhibits good pre-race planning and preparation, she seemed to treat Texas 70.3 as a university final. One for which it was appropriate to “cram” and/or “party all night long the night before”. By cram, we mean “pack the day before flying without a checklist” and by party all night long we mean “work a super high-stress event and neglect sleep, nutrition and training” for 8 days.

Unfortunately, this also meant that Christine was peppering her pre-race talk with pre-emptive excuses, making her “that asshole”. She can do better.

Actual pep-talk from coach.
Actual pep-talk from coach.

Grade: C+

Travel + Texas

Christine was able to use her web surfing prowess to secure a beach view Air BnB (which did not have a working coffee maker or cutting board, but whatever) and comfortable air travel while skirting bike fees. However, she failed to read the Athlete Manual and was that idiot who showed up at the race venue looking to swim… at a venue that was clearly closed.

Regardless, beach swims trump lagoon swims. Therefore:

Grade: B+

Race day

Christine flat out refuses to get up at 4:something, so the alarm was set for 5:01AM. She was able to choke down coffee, oatmeal and other flavourless foods and accompany friends/roommates to the venue with little fanfare. She also, apparently, harshly shut down the stranger trying to make small talk (unbeknownst to her). She then forgot her wetsuit in the car parked miles away, earning her extra warm up time.

Grade: A (because no one likes early morning chit chat).

Poor Carlos can't even touch the ground.
Poor Carlos can’t even touch the ground.

Swim

Christine tends to treat the swim as though it’s some kind of leisure activity. This is not an acceptable way to begin a race. Therefore, her esteemed coach told her to get her butt in gear and focus; which we believe she did, sorta. She successfully swam over people, as well. While still molasses-uphill-in-January-slow, it’s believed her work in the pool is paying off. Somewhat.

Grade: B-

What you get when you race a lot.
What you get when you race a lot.

Bike

Christine really loves to ride her bike, and it is evidenced by the fact that she passed roughly a billion people.

Grade: A

 

I actually said this to myself many, many times.
I actually said this to myself many, many times.

Run

Christine learned the hard way that 8 runs in 6 weeks does not a good half-marathon make.

Grade: C

Finish line

Christine looked skyward as she crossed the line as if she’s been through war, not some catered exercise contest. Next time, she should try harder to look presentable.

Overall, Christine earned a solid B on this race due to the fact that she was able to earn a 4 minute PB. Surprisingly, 8 days of pre-race slacking does not completely negate some solid months of training. Therefore, Christine is encouraged to continue on in this silly sport and should look for another race to do.

The end.

I feel like I beat the Blerch.
I feel like I beat the Blerch.

By the numbers:

Texas: 4000km away from Pemberton

Swim: 38:15   Bike: 2:40    Run: 1:54

Total: 5:15:54

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3 Replies to “Texas 70.3: my report card”

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