The SMO's stories

You’d think that, with a heavy-duty title like that one, I’d have some deep and meaningful insights to share with you about this new world order we’re living in. The fact that this post has been in a drafts folder for weeks (months?) should give a good sense of how much up and down there is; sometimes even within one day. I start writing, I get distracted, then start again, then promptly forget my train of thought. Some days I’m not even sure where the train is.

**

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about, though.

I believe that we’re all a little wiped out and that “COVID Fatigue” is a real thing. But lately, I’m finding that I’m a little tired of people pushing relentless positivity. Weird, right? 

Hear me out.

I think that is perfectly ok to feel like total garbage, for no discernible reason. It’s ok to be low. You’re entitled to that foul mood. Sometimes I don’t want to be cheerful, or be cheered up. Maybe you don’t need to be constantly looking for the bright side or the unicorn pooping rainbows. I, for one, don’t want to be judged for not being a little ray of sunshine 24/7 (which, to be frank, has never happened but you get my point). 

Sometimes, I stop and whisper to myself “I can’t believe we’re living through a pandemic. This is not normal.”

And yet here we are! Pandemic living 101!

Look, I have a very easy life. I have healthy kids, a great family. I am still employed. I have a tight circle of friends I can rely on. I am at least 50% as fit as a I once was (I kid, but… yeah).

Bottom line: I am extremely lucky.  

That said, I’m entitled to bad days. And I really believe that we have to respect each other’s bad days! We’re all muddling through, in our own way. There’s no pandemic guidebook, that I know of. And so, when you ask me how it’s going and occasionally I reply, “really kind of crappy!” just nod and go with it.

I’ll extend you the same courtesy, I promise.

So there you go. Thank you for coming to my poorly articulated Ted Talk, in defence of bad days. 

**

P.S.

We got a kitten.

The end.

I have absolutely no reason to declare boredom.

The kids are home and “distance learning”; while they zoom and do their work, I zoom and do mine. There’s no shortage of either. The weather is good, bikes and trails beckon, even when motivation wanes. Chores and the minutiae of daily life goes on.

And yet, yesterday I was bored to tears… by 7:46am.

I know full well that I’m one of the lucky ones, so it feels a little bit awful admitting that.

Thankfully, I know that a lot of my friends feel the same way, so when it feels like I am losing my marbles, I’m really not. Usually.

For once, I’m normal!

We’re going on, what, 7 weeks? 8? of living the pandemic life. The novelty has well and truly worn off. Yet, in all honesty, other than a whole lot of family togetherness, life in our little community bubble feels much the same. The global news cycle remains exhausting. Who can keep up? Quite frankly, who wants to? In the bubble I shall remain.

I miss having external goals and adventures to plan. Today, I was meant to be on my way to California to race a triathlon. Maybe I’ll do a mountain bike ride in my race onesie to commemorate what was supposed to be.

Even just writing this (and, I imagine reading this), is boring.

That’s it. That’s my whole life update. Life goes on, bored and boring or not!

 

 

 

If you’re a Canadian of a certain vintage, chances are you remember these:

I posted a photo on the socials this morning and these badges are like cilantro. You either loved them, or you hated them. There is no in between.

I remember doing these tests. I also remember Hal and Joanne McLeod’s Body Break! But that’s because it was on CBC, one of the 3 channels we had. I digress.

I never achieved that elusive black and red badge. In elementary school, I was about 3ft tall and weighed 80 pounds soaking wet. I did not enjoy exercise. My gym teacher, Roger, did everything he could think of to help me. Ultimately, I failed on the running part. Seriously.

Anyway. Clearly I’ve let it go and I really want to allow my children to experience this delightful challenge. Maybe, they too can be scarred for life!

The Canada Fitness Test was implemented in elementary schools nationwide in the 70s and 80s. To encourage “physical fitness” (and ultimately discontinued because it discouraged too many participants), it was based on this:

Fun fact: in 1979, they replaced the notorious flexed arm hang with a push up. I’m not super old but I still remember the stupid flexed arm hang. Maybe Roger didn’t get the memo.

Here are some delightful illustrations to help explain what the test was made of. To achieve “excellence”, you needed 95% in all 6 challenges.

Bust our your onesies and short shorts!

Push Ups

It helps to have someone right in front of you smacking your shoulders.

Do as many as you can, no time limit.

Shuttle Run

Ensure that you completely collapse at the end.

Test: Place 1 wooden block at one end, 2 wooden blocks at the other end, 10m apart. Start lying down with your forehead pressed into the gravel (fun!), run to the other side, pick up a block, run back, drop the block, pick up the other one, run back aaaaand time!

Partial Curl-Ups

I’m pretty sure these are no longer recommended. By anyone. 

Plus, this one requires a metronome.

But if you’re game, do them at a beat of “3 seconds per movement” for a max number.

Standing Long Jump

I’m quite fond of the rainbow shooting out of her butt. That’s what gives her the oomph.

The only place I ever long jump is into bed to avoid sharp cat claws hidden beneath it.

So yeah, measure the distance between take-off and landing. Feet hip width apart seems to be key.

50m run

Unclear what’s happening in pose #2.

This one made sure to bold that runner had to sprint past the line. I dunno. Whatever. Break out your stop watch.

Endurance run

This is my favourite. She’s like, “C’mon. Fuck. I’m done. WAIT! I’ll prance. Ok fine. I’ll do it but I won’t like it.”

Guidelines indicate that the endurance run must be executed around 50 square meters, and to ensure everyone has running shoes. And then run around said box for between 1600-2400m. I’m dizzy already.

Here’s how many laps you had to run around that dumb square:

God, no wonder so many kids hated this.

Here’s how you measured up. I tried to find the scoring for kids under 12, but no such luck. Y’all are smart, you can probably figure it out. Just click on each one to enlarge.

So there you go. My contribution to your homeschooling. I’m going to see if I can achieve bronze, for old times’ sake.

Might even throw in a flexed arm hang for kicks.

**

If you guys really want to dig into the descriptions, click here.

Happy Tuesday!

Just typing that made me laugh. I had to look up that it was actually Tuesday.

So, with that:

How’s everyone doing?

Over here, it’s mostly positive, trying to steer clear of the pit of despair. Ok, maybe it’s not quite ‘pit’. More like, puddle. Regardless, I’m trying hard to steer clear from the edge.

The harsh reality?

We’ve got it pretty easy over here, in the grand scheme of things. First and foremost, we are all healthy (although, today I woke up sniffly and was quite certain that this was the end for me. I pulled it together after a cup of coffee).

We have space here – indoor and out – so we are not constantly on top of one another. I can still safely kick the kids outside when I need a break; better yet, I can kick myself outside. Or, I sequester myself in the basement on my bike, sweat and sing 80’s tunes very loudly.

Work has dwindled but hasn’t halted completely and for that I am *very* grateful. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it looks very different. But that’s ok.

We have food, friends and family. And I have wine.

A thought I’ve had a lot, lately:

When this is all over, and we can go back to “normal”, will we? Are we going to hold on to some of these new norms we’ve adapted to? Or will we quickly forget what this was all like, and go back to worrying about things like bouncy running shoes and where to go for March break 2021?

I hope we hold on to this connectedness (weird word). This feeling of “we’re all in this shit together” seems to have made us more open to reaching out to one another. We check in on each, have virtual drinks, etc. I kind of like it.

That’s my 6-feet-away-touchy-feely feeling for the day.

On that note, I hope to never utter the words “social distancing” again, once we get back to being able to high-5 in real life.

 

 

Yet another brain dump! Bear with me, there’s nothing cohesive or exciting to write about, anyway.

**

On Monday, I started this:

Woof, what a month this day has been.

Today, since all this fun began, it rained. I also decided, after not sleeping, that the kids could do whatever they wanted – even if that meant 7 hours of stupid TikTok and Netflix. It won’t be like that every single day. But Monday, it was the right thing to do.

**

On Monday night, I added this:

I lie in bed at night and notice how eerily quiet it is. No cars going by. No hum of the nearby highway. No one walking home and getting into an argument at 2:37am.

**

And then this:

Anja and I went for (another) walk and tried to list the positives. For example, we haven’t driven anywhere lately. So, this is good for the environment in a manner of speaking. We can spend time outside, which is very lucky. We aren’t shopping for anything other than food and fresh flowers (which make me happy, so I consider them essential), so we aren’t spending money.

My dog is getting a whole lot of exercise and attention. He’s tired and confused.

Maybe I’ll finally learn to cook.

Probably not.

**

On Tuesday, well.

My work has, for all intents and purposes, evaporated.

*Poof!*

(I realize I’m not alone in this situation, and I’m not complaining. It’s just a fact). When you are an event planner/producer/person and events cease existing (except virtually), well then, there goes a chunk of my sense of purpose.

Which may or may not have led to a mini-existential crisis.

What can I contribute in these rather surreal times?

I don’t know yet.

**

Roll to Wednesday. And the only reason I know that is because I checked. It’s very quickly become the new normal to not have an alarm in the morning or a destination in mind for the day. I know it won’t be like this forever, but right now it feels like that stretch of time between Christmas and new years day, except exponentially.

I know that very soon I’ll have to set a schedule for myself and the kids with the premise of homeschooling. I have no idea what that will look like, beyond taking a lot of deep breaths.

**

I asked friends to send me their thoughts on their current situation. Here’s a compilation, kept anonymous:

“I think I gave my last handshake a few weeks ago.”

“It would be nice if we could play with our friends.”

“It’s like Groundhog Day… I mean I love my kids and the extra time together is for the most part great! But ya, Groundhog Day here! Same but different but still the same.”

“It’s trying to give the kids a real sense of the proportion of this virus yet not scaring them! Then realizing they just don’t understand (or really care….. I mean they’re just kids) so you get upset and then try and scare the shit out of them so they’re on the same page as us adults! ( I’m scared) Then they start calling people stupid and dumb and even though you agree you have to teach them to be compassionate and understanding !! This whole thing feels like it’s compressing the growing up timeline for my kids and I don’t like it!!”

“I actually quite like it! No pressure. Extra family time. It feels like a vacation from life if you just stay home and don’t watch too much of the news. We still have an income though so if that went away I’d be WAY more stressed I’m sure…”

“My thoughts feel random and rapid fire, interspersed with periods of calm nothingness. I go back and forth between manic “do all the things” (house projects, books, shows, home workout routines posted on social media) and a sort of aimless, almost deer-the-headlights existence.”

“I actually cried today.”

**

Stay sane, friends. And send me your thoughts.

 

My normally short attention span has been contracted to that of a sea cucumber.

**

The world feels like it is shrinking daily. Our little physical bubble gets a little tighter with each new press conference and news release. Oddly, rather than feeling restrictive, I’ve found it a little comforting.

And yet at the same time, the virtual bubble gets a little bigger. I’m grateful for my friends who put up with my endless texts, who send me stupid videos, who check up on me.

Don’t get me wrong – the online news feed is like a fire hose of pure crazy, and it feels good to turn it off every once in a while and stick my head in the sand and pretend life is 100% normal.

In which case, I take my advice from a dog.

**

In that same vein, it didn’t take long for this new world order to start to feel normal. We’re more adaptable than we think.

**

People seem gentler with one another.

**

We are staring down a few months of homeschooling. There’s a reason I didn’t become a teacher. 

It’s a good thing kids are resilient.

I’ve see a few social posts saying things like “what’s the big deal with kids being out of school for a few months? Teach them to sew and change a tire. They don’t learn much in school anyway.”

Uh yeah. Here are my kids. Have at ‘er. Let me know how it goes after 4 hours.

**

It’s eerily quiet at night. No cars going anywhere.

**

I feel kind of useless and helpless. I don’t have much to contribute to those in need. Anyone else feel like this?

My current contribution level is staying home and annoying my kids by telling them to get off their phones.

**

Stay home, stay safe… stay sane.