Yet another brain dump! Bear with me, there’s nothing cohesive or exciting to write about, anyway.
On Monday, I started this:
Woof, what a month this day has been.
Today, since all this fun began, it rained. I also decided, after not sleeping, that the kids could do whatever they wanted – even if that meant 7 hours of stupid TikTok and Netflix. It won’t be like that every single day. But Monday, it was the right thing to do.
On Monday night, I added this:
I lie in bed at night and notice how eerily quiet it is. No cars going by. No hum of the nearby highway. No one walking home and getting into an argument at 2:37am.
And then this:
Anja and I went for (another) walk and tried to list the positives. For example, we haven’t driven anywhere lately. So, this is good for the environment in a manner of speaking. We can spend time outside, which is very lucky. We aren’t shopping for anything other than food and fresh flowers (which make me happy, so I consider them essential), so we aren’t spending money.
My dog is getting a whole lot of exercise and attention. He’s tired and confused.
Maybe I’ll finally learn to cook.
On Tuesday, well.
My work has, for all intents and purposes, evaporated.
(I realize I’m not alone in this situation, and I’m not complaining. It’s just a fact). When you are an event planner/producer/person and events cease existing (except virtually), well then, there goes a chunk of my sense of purpose.
Which may or may not have led to a mini-existential crisis.
What can I contribute in these rather surreal times?
I don’t know yet.
Roll to Wednesday. And the only reason I know that is because I checked. It’s very quickly become the new normal to not have an alarm in the morning or a destination in mind for the day. I know it won’t be like this forever, but right now it feels like that stretch of time between Christmas and new years day, except exponentially.
I know that very soon I’ll have to set a schedule for myself and the kids with the premise of homeschooling. I have no idea what that will look like, beyond taking a lot of deep breaths.
I asked friends to send me their thoughts on their current situation. Here’s a compilation, kept anonymous:
“I think I gave my last handshake a few weeks ago.”
“It would be nice if we could play with our friends.”
“It’s like Groundhog Day… I mean I love my kids and the extra time together is for the most part great! But ya, Groundhog Day here! Same but different but still the same.”
“It’s trying to give the kids a real sense of the proportion of this virus yet not scaring them! Then realizing they just don’t understand (or really care….. I mean they’re just kids) so you get upset and then try and scare the shit out of them so they’re on the same page as us adults! ( I’m scared) Then they start calling people stupid and dumb and even though you agree you have to teach them to be compassionate and understanding !! This whole thing feels like it’s compressing the growing up timeline for my kids and I don’t like it!!”
“I actually quite like it! No pressure. Extra family time. It feels like a vacation from life if you just stay home and don’t watch too much of the news. We still have an income though so if that went away I’d be WAY more stressed I’m sure…”
“My thoughts feel random and rapid fire, interspersed with periods of calm nothingness. I go back and forth between manic “do all the things” (house projects, books, shows, home workout routines posted on social media) and a sort of aimless, almost deer-the-headlights existence.”
“I actually cried today.”
Stay sane, friends. And send me your thoughts.